I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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