I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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