Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
