The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
