Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
