I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
