I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why are your pants in the freezer?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize