her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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