I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
