I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
