does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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