You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize