he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
