Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
