Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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