dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
