3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
