very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
