Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
