i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
