ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Screwed.edu
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
