pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize