FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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