Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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