I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
