You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
