dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
