we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
