If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
