I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just saw a hot homeless man
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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