He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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