I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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