We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize