it was like his penis was on wheels.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
