i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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