we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
