I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
