I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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