Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't trust your balls anymore.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
