Kiss
Puke
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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