Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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