Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
