I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
