Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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