Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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