just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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