doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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