I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
