Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Panties = found
Randomize
