you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
