There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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