allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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