You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
