You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
