I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
