let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
