Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
