No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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