Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
