it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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