I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize