white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
