The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
