Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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