all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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