nut hugger
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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