I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
