i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
