So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
