Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
