well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
