Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
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