I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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