Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
