It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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