I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
