I wanna bring you to show and tell
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
